


Make Me Breathe Again

by EvilTwin13



Series: Make Me [5]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drinking, F/M, Healing Sex, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mention of Nazi's, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 14:44:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16199666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilTwin13/pseuds/EvilTwin13
Summary: Caitlin and Mick finally come to terms with Len's death in their own way





	Make Me Breathe Again

Six months. It had been six months since Leonard Snart sacrificed himself to blow up the Oculus. Five since Mick and Caitlin mourned an empty grave. Caitlin thought Mick would start to pull himself together in that time, but she was wrong. He was in a dark place, darker even that he was the first time she met him, and it didn’t look like he was coming back.

Mick was a shell of his former self. Really he was much more akin to the man he was before he and Leonard stepped foot on the Waverider. Closer to Chronos than he ever wanted to be again. He spent all day, every day drinking. Which wasn’t all that much different than his normal, but he increased the amount tenfold. He didn’t go out, he didn’t talk to anyone, he hadn’t even touched the heat gun since that day after visiting Len’s grave. His anger had consumed him and all he could do was let it burn, leaving him a heap of ashes.

Caitlin had long since given up on trying to get Mick to open up to her. On good days it would earn her a scowl, on bad days Mick would lock himself in one of the old safe houses and not return for hours. He was always drunk, angry and fresh from a fight when he got home. Sometimes he would let Caitlin bandage him up. Sometimes not.

The worst part of it was the more Mick closed himself off, the more he pushed Caitlin away and she was fucking sick of it. They no longer had conversations and if Caitlin was able to get an indistinct grunt out of him then she considered it a good day. It took a conscious effort to keep Killer Frost at bay when she came home from S.T.A.R Labs at night. She was at her wit’s end with him and it wasn’t going to take much to push her over the edge.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Mick put his feet up on the coffee table and cracked open another beer. He had no idea how many he’d had already or what time it was or even what day it was. He was completely and utterly broken and the best solution he could see was to make it so he couldn’t feel, to make himself numb. To make himself cold. He growled at his own stupid pun and downed the entire bottle before opening another one.

Caitlin let herself into the apartment, arms full of groceries, just in time to watch Mick down the entire beer in one swig and immediately open another. She sighed and dropped the groceries in the kitchen before making her way back to the living room, eyes an ominous glowing blue.

Mick never even heard the door open or the deep sigh that followed. He did, however, notice when the beer in his hand froze solid. He dropped it instantly and cursed as it shattered on the floor.

“What the fuck was that for?” He growled at Caitlin as she stood in front of the TV he hadn’t even been watching.

“I’m tired of watching you sit here day after day, drinking your life away,” she shot back, her voice shook with more than just mild annoyance, but she didn’t yell. 

“What’s it matter?” he asked. “What’s any of it fucking matter?” He stood up and crowded her, using his height to tower over her.

“What’s it matter?” she asked. “What’s it matter?” she repeated, a little louder before icing the wooden floor behind him. She closed the gap between them, forcing him to take a step back. When he did he slipped on her ice and fell hard on his ass. He stayed on the floor scowling up at her as she leaned down over him, icicles already formed in each hand. “Do I matter to you? Does this matter to you at all?” she motioned around the room, the home they’d built together.

“Of course you do,” he growled, casting his gaze down, not able to look her in the eye. “What the hell are you talking about, Snowflake?”

“Then act like it,” she snapped, her breath coming out in puffs of frost as she spoke. She hated when he called her Snowflake. It was a name from when they didn’t mean anything to each other and it pushed her over the edge. “Get your shit together. Sober up. Take a shower for fucks sake. You know damn well Lenny wouldn’t want you moping around here drinking all fucking day. Especially not over him.”

Mick just stared at her, eyes cast down in a mix of anger, sadness and confusion. Had he really let it get that bad? Had he stopped caring? If he was honest with himself, yeah he had. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t be having this conversation with Killer Frost. “Yeah I know,” Mick said, barely audible. “I know he wouldn’t want this. Wouldn’t like how I’ve pushed you away. Hell I don’t like it. But… I can’t help it. He was my partner. I just…”

“It’s alright, Mickey,” she said, voice soft, as she sat next to him on the floor. The ice in her hands melted and her hair returned to its natural brown. Her eyes were still blue and the air still held a chill though. “You can tell me. I’m here.”

He looked at her for a moment, didn’t say anything didn’t move to touch her, but she could see the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. She placed her hand lightly on his shoulder, unsure if he wanted the contact, but knowing he needed it. The remainder of the ice receded from her with her anger.

“And he’s not,” Mick whispered. “He’ll never be here again.” The tears started to fall and once they started he couldn’t stop them. All the welled up feelings from the past months crashed through the walls he’d built up and he shook from the intensity as he wept silently. Caitlin pulled Mick into her arms and held him tight as his tears soaked her shirt. Neither said a word, Mick just cried and Caitlin rubbed soft circles into his back as she held him tightly.

“I know,” Caitlin whispered after a few long moments, tears of her own falling freely as she spoke. “I know, Mickey and I hate it.” 

“It should have been me,” his voice was angry again. “He should have just left me there and come home to you. 

“It wouldn’t be any different if I was here with him, mourning you,” she replied. “You aren’t less important. It’s like saying he should be here instead of me.” Mick’s eyes hardened as soon as the words left her lips. “See, Mickey, that doesn’t make it any different, if one of us is gone it hurts the same.”

“I…” Mick couldn’t form words. He never questioned Caitlin or Lenny’s feelings for him. Not out loud anyway. But he never thought he was that important. “I’m sorry, Caity.”

“It’s ok, Mickey,” she reassured him. “We can get through this. We can be ok again. We’ll never be the same. We’ll never forget him or stop loving him, but we’ll be ok. Just different.”

“Trauma changes you,” Mick recited from memory. “The person you were before is gone. You have to reinvent yourself.” Caitlin looked at him questioningly, but didn’t say anything. “A court ordered shrink said that to me once. After the fire. Never put much thought into it, but it just popped in my mind. Guess the old bastard was right, it just wasn’t the fire that was the real trauma.” He hugged his arms close, even though his burns were gone thanks to the time bastards, they were a comforting thought. He could reinvent himself.

“Just don’t think about using fire to ‘reveal your true self’”, she smirked a little as she air quoted his own words. He couldn’t help but smile just a little. His Caity would help him find his new self, he always knew she was his salvation.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Mick and Caitlin dragged themselves back into their apartment after the battle with the Earth-X Nazi’s. It had been a long and arduous fight both physically and mentally. Mick put away his heat gun, hung up his jacket and pulled off his boots while Caitlin went to their bedroom, peeled off her Killer Frost outfit and pulled one of Mick’s t-shirts on. She sat on the side of the bed trying to sort out her emotions.

Nazi’s were never easy to deal with, Caitlin 100% agreed with Mick on hating Nazi’s and iced them same as Mick roasted them. But seeing Len’s Earth-X doppelgänger hit hard. She didn’t quite know how to process it. It seemed like her mind was going a mile a minute and she couldn’t stop it.

“I think we need to talk,” Mick said quietly from the doorway. Caitlin hadn’t even heard him come in she was so buried in her mind. “Can I come sit with you?” He hung in the doorway awkwardly waiting for her answer. Things were better between them, but far from perfect. He wasn’t sure if she would want him close or if she needed time alone to process everything.

“Please,” she replied with a small smile and held out her arms to him. She absolutely needed him now, needed to feel his warm body holding her and comforting her. She knew he probably needed her just as bad.

Mick was across the room and scooping her into his arms in a flash. Oh god now even she was punning, she chuckled to herself. He held her tight, as if he was afraid that she would disappear if he let go. Caitlin buried her head in Mick’s neck and dropped her cool exterior. She wasn’t even sure when she’d adopted Len’s ability to slip into a mask of cold indifference, but she wondered if he’d be proud or worried. The tears slipped silently down her face as she fought to breathe.

“I know, Doll,” Mick whispered. His own voice cracked with the emotions over seeing his dead partner’s doppelgänger. “I know.”

“At least he’s happy,” Caitlin sighed. “Even if it’s not with us, he found happiness.”

“It’s not really him,” Mick grimaced. As much as Leo Snart wore Len’s face, he was nothing like his Earth-1 counterpart. There was no mistaking them once he opened his mouth.

“No,” she agreed. “But he’s a version of him. What he might have been if things had been different. The only other version we’ve come across. It…” She choked on her words. She was so torn and the more she thought about it the less she could reconcile it. “He’s the closest thing there is and he’s happy. Our Len would want us to be happy. We’ve wasted so much time avoiding each other, avoiding the truth. He’d have iced us both if he could have seen.”

Mick couldn’t help but chuckle, she was right. If Len was there he’d have frozen them both solid for being so stupid and cold to each other. Len knew better than to turn away from those who meant the most to him, because there weren’t that many. He may not have been great at it when he was younger, but he would never have left Mick or Caitlin’s side now.

“You’re right,” Mick chuckled again. “He would and he’d tell us both to stop being so fucking stupid and work our shit out already.”

“He’d want us to seek comfort in each other,” Caitlin continued. “Not act like strangers in our own home.”

“I’m sorry, Caity,” Micks voice broke as he choked back his own tears. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I couldn’t just get my shit together. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him. I…”

“Mickey,” she interrupted him, pulling her face up so that she could look at him. “It is not your fault. It was never your fault. Leonard Snart never did anything he didn’t want to do. He wanted to save us.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t save him,” Mick grunted. “But there’s still time to save us. Still time to find the happiness he took with him. If a version of him can find happiness with another man on a planet inhabited by homophobic Nazi’s than we can find a way to be happy even though he’s not with us.”

“He’s always with us,” Caitlin whispered. “He’s the reason we found each other. He brought me to both of you when he could have left me to die. He’ll never really be gone, even if we can’t touch him.” 

The last part was whispered. She hated admitting that they would never be able to see him again. Seeing his doppelgänger was so close, but it wasn’t their Lenny. It hit Caitlin hard and more tears began to roll down her cheeks. She’d tried so hard to be strong for Mick, but her ice was cracking and she couldn’t hold it together anymore. She felt the cold start to take over and for the first time since that day she woke up in Len and Mick’s safe house the powers felt out of control. 

“Caity,” Mick whispered. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s ok to be a little broken. Hell, it’s ok to be a lot broken, as long as we can piece each other back together. Shit, Caity, I’m as broken as they come. Let it out. Please.”

She had come so far, to the point that she and Killer Frost worked together to get shit done, leaving each other little notes so that neither was left in the dark. Now Killer Frost was verging on taking over and Caitlin was barely holding on anymore. Her hair began to streak white and her eyes flashed between blue and brown like they were short circuiting.

“Well this is a familiar sight,” Mick couldn’t help teasing. “Brings me back to that first time. You looked so broken, but so sexy at the same time. You weren’t afraid to jump into my arms and let your freak flag fly.” Caitlin couldn’t help laughing a bit and it helped her focus. Mick always found a way to bring her back from the edge. “You found where you belonged, with a pyro and a thief who was as much an ice princess as you are. Let your pyro remind you who you are and where you belong.”

Caitlin smirked, this did feel like it did back then. If she could find her way then, she and Mick could find their way now. “Well, we still like what we see. That’s never changed.” She could feel herself warming again, wanting him in ways she hadn’t since he told her Len was gone. 

“Well, a girl who can completely kick my ass has always been a turn on,” Mick said wagging his eyebrows. “Doesn’t hurt that my girl is as gorgeous as she is lethal.” His eyes practically glowed with want. They hadn’t so much as touched each other since Len died and he was more than ready to go. He just hoped he hadn’t misread this and she was too.

Caitlin kissed him hard and threw one leg over top of him so that she could straddle him properly. She grabbed his hands and brought them up to grip her waist as she ran her tongue along his bottom lip. As he let her in and kissed her back he slid his own tongue alongside hers. She pressed her lower body against him, grinding against his growing cock. It helped to ground her, feeling him hot and hard against her panties which were already soaked. Killer Frost slithered back and she was all Caitlin again, his Caity. Instead of frozen to her core, she was on fire for him.

She pulled back when it became too much and ripped his boxers off before shedding her own shirt and panties. She threw herself back on top of him with a ferocity that he’d never seen before, not even from Killer Frost. It was as if she had been wound up, coiled and ready for so long that it only took a small amount of touching for her to snap with need.

Mick felt bad for a moment that they’d let it get so far, that they’d waited so long that it came to this. He couldn’t help but relish in it as well though. There was something unbelievably hot about his well reserved and polite Caity losing control like this without letting out Killer Frost. 

Not that he didn’t enjoy fucking Killer Frost too, but he always preferred his Caity. He loved seeing the fire he’d always known she had inside and it drove him fucking crazy with desire. He gripped her hips harder and teased her with his tip before pushing all the way inside her. Fuck! She was tight, hot and wet and so eager for him. It made him swell with pride and lust to be so wanted.

Caitlin grinned almost maniacally as she rode Mick’s cock as hard as she could. She dug her nails into his shoulders to balance herself so that she could pull almost all the way off, so just his tip was inside her, then slam her hips down taking his cock fully inside her again. “Fuck I’ve missed this,” she moaned. “Missed you so much, even though we were both right here the whole time.”

Mick leaned up to kiss her hard and dirty as he pressed her body tight to his. “Missed you too,” he whispered against her lips. “Almost lost you too because I was being stupid. I promise I’ll never let it happen again. You’re mine, all mine, Doll. The way it’s supposed to be.”

“Fuck, Mickey,” she moaned loudly as she fucked him hard and rough. “Forgot how big your fucking cock is. Feels good to be so full again.” She leaned over as she rode him and sucked hard on his neck, nibbling a bruise against his skin like she was claiming him all over again. 

“Tell me, Caity,” Mick grunted. “Tell me how it feels to be so full of my cock after all this time.”

“It’s like the first time all over again,” she whispered against his neck as she continued to suck on the mark she made. “Feels like heaven, with an edge of pain that makes me want even more. Need you so fucking bad.”

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned. “Love when you talk like that. You look so innocent, but you’re a dirty girl for me.” He pressed his hips up against her, burying himself as deep as he possibly could inside her. His cock was throbbing, begging to cum inside her. He moved his head to capture her lips, kissing her ferociously as he thrust inside her over and over.

Caitlin used all the strength she and Killer Frost had and maneuvered them both, pulling Mick on top of her as she rolled over. She finally lost control and let loose a torrent of filthy things she wanted from him. “Fuck me, Mickey,” she keened. “Fuck me hard and claim me. Make me yours again.” She was practically begging at this point. “Fuck me like you wanna break me. Fuck me like you used to fuck Lenny.” She dug her nails into his back, scratching thin lines into his skin that were so deep in spots they bled. She wanted to mark him everywhere, to show he was still hers. He loved it.

Mick was shocked at the stream of filth Caity was screaming. He was surprised she mentioned Lenny, but even more surprised that it didn’t upset him. Quite the opposite, in fact, it set him on fire. He held her down and fucked her as hard and fast as he possibly could, his cock bottoming out inside her and bumping against her cervix. He was no longer capable of words, just grunting and moaning for her. He was so close it almost hurt, but he wouldn’t dare cum until he felt her body convulsing around him.

“So close,” she cried, throwing her head back against the pillows. “Come on, Mickey, so fucking close. Need it. Need you…” Her words ended in a breathless moan and she angled her hips up so she could wrap her legs around him. She hooked her feet together and pressed him into her harder.

Mick adjusted his position so that he could use one hand to rub her clit as he pounded into her as hard as he possibly could. “Cum, Caity,” he grunted. “Cum for me now. Need to fucking fill you.” He was fucking her so hard at this point she couldn’t even move.

Caitlin’s body obeyed Mick’s words, pulsing and gushing around him as she came hard. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she screamed wordlessly. It was like her entire body was cumming for him. She could feel the vibrations from her head to her toes, making her skin wonderfully sensitive as the waves of her orgasm crashed through her.

Mick tried to hold on, but the intensity of Caitlin’s frenzy pulled him over the edge as well. He buried his head in her neck and sucked on her pulse point as he growled his own release. He held himself as deep inside her as possible, flooding her as he came. His cock throbbed inside her as her body quaked around him. He grinned as he felt the distinct coolness in the air and on her skin, letting him know she had lost control of her powers. He loved making her lose control like that.

He took a few moments to kiss and lick at the mark he left on her neck as they both came down from such an intense climax. He was exhausted mentally and physically, but he hadn’t been this happy or fulfilled for the longest time. When he finally felt like he could move again, he pulled out slow and grabbed a clean towel to clean them up. 

Once they were both clean he tossed the towel in the laundry and pulled Caitlin tight against him. His other side felt empty, but for the first time since the Oculus he didn’t let it bother him too much. He could tell that it bothered Caitlin though, he could feel her hot tears on his chest. He tilted her head up so that he could wipe her tears away. He didn’t know what to say to help her though so he waited for her to speak. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long, like she knew he couldn’t find the words to ask her. 

“We never got to say goodbye,” she said quietly as she ran her fingers lightly over his chest where his scars used to be. “Our bed is partially empty and it will never be whole again. We mourned an empty grave. We’ll never be able to bring him home. It was just so devastating seeing Leo, but at the same time it brought a little piece of him home and now that he went back to Earth-X it feels even emptier here.” 

 

“It doesn’t have to be empty,” Mick grunted. “He’s gone, but we’re here.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m here,” he whispered. “I haven’t been the best at being there. I fucked up and I know that, but I’m here. I wanna be here for you like you were for me. Like he always was for both of us. I… I lo…” he growled in frustration when he couldn’t get the word out.

“I know, Mick…” Caitlin started, but Mick held his hand up.

“I’m shit at emotions,” he shook his head and looked away for a minute. “I never actually said the words to him. I need to find a way to say them to you.” He turned back and looked her in the eye, letting her see his tears and his regrets. “I love you,” he whispered after a deep breath.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. “You may not have said it, but he knew. He always knew.” Mick just nodded and wrapped her up in his arms. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I know, but still should have been able to tell him. I’m glad I can tell you now. You deserve to hear it.” He kissed her gently and rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “Anyone who can deal with my crazy deserves to know just how special they are.”

Caitlin smirked back at him, “I feel bad for people who never go crazy. Crazy is exciting and fun. Crazy brought me to you. Besides, what’s carzier than having a complete alter ego living inside you?”

“You really are something else, Doll,” Mick chuckled. He stroked her hair as she laid her head down on his chest and yawned. “Relax, it’s been a hell of a day for both of us. I got you.” She nodded against his chest, already settling into him and drifting off.

Caitlin’s breathing began to even out as she drifted off to sleep. Mick smiled down at her, admiring her sleeping form. It reminded him of the first time he watched Lenny sleep, how young and innocent it made them both look.

“That’s it, Doll, breathe,” he whispered as he laid back and let his own exhaustion take over. “We both just have to breathe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who stuck with me and waited forever to read the end of this!! I didn't mean for it to take so long, but life happens. So happy to finally have it finished. Love you all!!!!


End file.
